Ouch, I needed to hear that.

Oct 26, 2020

"Just be yourself."

I say this a lot. I preach this A LOT.

My husband said this to me tonight.

"Just be yourself, babe."

I literally felt my body cringe.

I mean I FELT IT. Physically.

Woah.... what was that about?

It felt a little like resistance coupled with some panic.

Be myself????

Supposed to be liberating, right?

Wrong.... not when your entire life you've been getting signals from everyone that "yourself" is wrong.

Every time I show up as "myself".... I get a message back that it's wrong.

That I'm too much. Too vocal. Too loud. Too opinionated. Too confrontational.

I get told that I don't fit in. That I don't get to sit at the table. That I'm not included.

I get told that my opinions are wrong. That I should work on my delivery. I should probably say less. Maybe I should sit down....

I've heard it all.

And it ALL feels bad. The rejection is painful. It hurts my heart. It causes me to close myself off.

I avoid people. I avoid friends. The Enneagram 8 in me won't admit that I'm hurt... so it...

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